How can we hate someone for their colour, sex, creed, religion, sexual preference without even knowing them? In every colour, nation, religion, sex, creed, sexualities there are good and bad people.
I do not like anyone who is rude in their behaviour to me, taking the mick, putting me down and judging me without even knowing me.
I think that children are in a very difficult position. On the one hand they need their parents love, approval and affection, and on the other hand they are dependant on them financially. They cannot leave home and survive for very long and they have nowhere else to go.
In effect they are trapped and prone to emotional, physical and mental abuse.
We help them to be prejudiced, bigoted and ignorant through out attitudes, actions and words.
Sometimes I think that parents want a better replica of themselves in their children. Parents expect too much of their children and think that it is their right to make these kind of demands. After all, we brought you up, did this, paid for this etc - you owe us.
We see these free creatures who need moulding and guiding, not changed so much that their personality and character that they are taken away.
I look at children and I see the parents and understand them a whole lot better. It is very telling.
Children are expensive and hard work - but all things that are worth it take time and effort.
I implore parent to love their children and to learn to let them go as well. They cannot grow in experience or within themselves unless you dolet them go.
Children are not robots - you cannot programme them to be what you want them to be. The real test of love is to love them whoever or whatever they are. That is the test for children and your relationship with other people.
They are the next generation. If we as parents or influences teach them negative things like the lack of self-esteem, pull away their confidence, do not support or encourage them, teach them to hate, to be selfish, to keep their feeling hidden, not to be able to express their affections, not to communicate, not to understand, teach them intolerance, impatience and prejudice: then you have taught them the very things they need to destroy their relationships with others and self destruction of themselves and others.
Pressure and strain are something we all have and don't need extra of, especially from our parents.
I support love, individuality, honesty in expression of words, thoughts for others, assertiveness, understanding, acceptance of others and compassion.
I don't think that a lot of parents know just how important self image is in childhood and how it can affect them later in life. If you grow up feeling unworthy and invaluable then no matter how good looking, clever or intelligent you are you will be convinced that you are ugly or stupid.
Out of unloving homes usually comes drug addicts, racists, fascists, suicides, anorectic, mentally ill and unhappy people who can never love themselves or others. The exception in this case is that some unloved children are capable of caring more intensely and effectively than loved children.
All children who are ill treated are at the mercy of their parents. In the past we have taken the word of an adult over the word of a child, but nowadays the child's word carries a lot of weight. It is important to understand that there are some clever children who are capable of deception and using blackmail to achieve what they want. In affect they could threaten to shout that a person has abused them when they haven't, in order to get what they want.
Some parents are obsessional about their children, demanding excessive cleanliness, tidiness, orderliness and good behaviour especially when they go out. They do not like mess, noise, wild behaviour, dirt and meek obedience without question is looked upon highly. How convenient for the parent to reward the child for not questioning. How much easier it is for them to get away with so much abusive behaviour without questioning. It would seem that those kind of parents are trying to prove to the world and maybe to themselves that they are good parents by putting their children on show.
Children are easy to hurt because they are defenceless. It is easy to be cruel to them. What parents need to be aware of are these extremely aggressive feelings because they will usually find they come from their childhood.
Obsessional parents are extremists and their extremes will breed in their children extremes. What is likely to result is a good citizen robot or a violent rebel or something like that.
Some parents do not seem to realise that if you have a good relationship with your child then reasoning and explaining will have the same or better effect as screaming and shouting. The problem can be that the child does not understand why you have asked them to do what you have.
Many parents make the mistake of thinking that putting a lonely child with others will actually solve the problem of loneliness. Making contact with others is a skill that is learnt in the home first and then outside. If children have not learnt how to make contact emotionally and with other human beings then they will still be lonely, even in a group. In order for a child to be able to relate to others the child must believe in themselves and feel a worthwhile human being who people will like, love and accept. This is where low self worth and esteem play an important part. Constantly not supporting, helping and encouraging them and instead criticising, demanding, putting down and calling them thick, stupid etc will lead to the children believing it and feeling a low self worth. If a child feels this way then it is likely that other children will not accept them.
We know that children who steal are usually those who lack love, attention, care or understanding. This starts off as a call for attention. These kind of children as well as those who are underprivileged steal to compensate for those feelings, but there is a difference between those who are willing to stop and those who won't.
We need to encourage, support and love children and not use anger to force a child into what we believe they should or should not do. We have to remember that they are individuals like us too.
I hope for a better world. By doing these things it doesn't have to be just a dream - it can be reality.
No comments:
Post a Comment